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[Jun. 1st, 2009|06:11 pm] |
It's a two story week. I'm taking tomorrow off.
Title: For Your Psychic Consideration.
Author: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs
Rating :R
Words10,500/2,720,800
Warnings: Wincest,
Summary: Sam spends a second day in the hospital and Dean continues to not really cope with the shooting.
Notes::AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
The flowers began to arrive bright and early just after nine in the morning. Sam had been awake for about two hours and he was feeling pretty good. He got up and out of bed by himself and made it to the bathroom all on his own. He needed some help once he was in there but Dean was more than happy to assist. His post pee pee shakes were a little more vigorous than Sam was used to but he couldn’t complain and it was a little nice.
Dean tried to get Sam right back in bed after the trip to the bathroom but he just refused. He had been in bed almost all day yesterday and he wanted to sit down in a chair for a while. He promised to get back in bed eventually but he needed some time out of it. His ass was starting to go numb and eating in bed just felt wrong to him. He liked breakfast in bed sometimes but enough was enough.
For breakfast a nurse brought Sam some fluorescent yellow scrambled eggs, a few fatty slices of bacon, and a biscuit that moonlighted as a hockey puck. He was starving but Sam was never going to be hungry enough to eat that mess. Dean came to the rescue again and said he’d run down the street to the little café they had once eaten at with Amy. He was pretty sure they served breakfast and he promised to bring back something more palatable like eggs benedict and maybe some steaming hot grits. That sounded perfect to Sam and his mouth began to water before Dean even left the room.
The second he was gone Sam took the biggest bravest breath he could and asked John to help him up. John, like Dean before him tried to get him back into the bed, but Sam actually needed to make another trip to the bathroom. He wasn’t nearly as embarrassed as he thought he would be and neither was John. He could have refused and probably called a nurse but he said he had wiped Sam’s ass once and he would do it again no problem. Dean was a much better person for the job but Sam just couldn’t do a doody and then have him wipe his ass. Dean was in charge of everything else to do with his ass but not that. Sam did try to do it on his own but his arms were so weak and way too stuff to reach behind his back.
John tried to argue that helping him out meant that Sam had to get back in bed but he got comfortable in the chair near the window. He wasn’t going to move around and when the nurse brought in the first gigantic bouquet of flowers she said it was just fine. For some reason John doubted that she knew what she was talking about but he didn’t put up a fuss about getting Sam into bed anymore.
While the first nurse was still in there asking Sam how he was feeling a second and third came in with two rolling carts. They were both filled with at least a dozen arrangements. Everyone knew what hospital they had taken their fallen God to and they were quick on their feet. The nurses weren’t bring up any more flowers because they didn’t have time and there wasn’t any room but they did promise to keep them all together. Sam couldn’t handle a million different flowers because he’d start sneezing his head off but the thought was very nice and he had an ideal solution.
If the nurses would just keep the flowers somewhere he promised to send Anthony, Aaron, and Jeremy down to collect them. He didn’t need all those flowers but the hospital was full of other people who might need a little cheering up. He figured they could just be passed around but he wanted Anthony to be in charge of that since Sam wanted to take home any plants people might have sent. He also sort of wanted some of the nicer arrangements for the house since the kids loved flowers.
The flowers in the room were really varied in terms of quality. Sam had a few cheaper bouquets which were just as nice as the expensive ones filled with roses and orchids. He was going to have to make sure that Anthony collected all the cards because those well wishes were going to serve him well while he recuperated. John wanted any candy that was delivered and Sam thought that was just fine as long as it wasn’t opened and had come from a professional service.
Sam’s favorite arrangement was a bouquet of fresh white roses. It had come from a florist in the city so he knew it was really expensive. It was probably three dozen and just big enough to be obnoxious on the table next to the bed. John moved it over when Sam asked and even handed him the car. It was from a group of fans who were all friends. They had driven down from Canada when they found out Sam was speaking and just getting to see him had been a great thrill for them. It actually made Sam a little sad but he was still glad they had gotten to see him even if it was in the worst possible way. He thought he’d always think of yesterday as an all around horrible day but their short sweet note made it a little better. There’d no doubt be more of them as well and Sam was really looking forward to reading them and maybe making a scrapbook.
“It’s weird.”
“What is?” Sam asked as he put down the card. “The flowers?”
“No, I mean you’re just Sammy, you know? To these people you’re…well, you’re everything to some of them. You’re not going to believe the shrine they have set up downstairs. It’s amazing.”
“It’s creepy.”
“I think it’s nice.” John said as he looked at his hands. “You’re like Lennon, Kennedy…or Dr. King.”
“Dr. King?” Sam asked. “Dad, come on, please don’t compare me to Kennedy or Martin Luther King.”
“I thought we were supposed to call him Dr. King.”
“Well, I guess you can but you’re saying it weird. And they all died, I didn’t die.”
“That’s not what Dean told me last night.” John said. “We got up to stretch and he told me John Michaels is dead.”
“Dad, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“I wiped your butt.”
Sam actually laughed and then sighed. There was something about John when he really laid it on thick that was just fucking adorable. Everyone always blamed Dean for Ollie being so damn irresistible even when he was being a little bad ass, but John had started it all. He was standing across the room looking like he was about fifteen years old. It was positively precious and Sam knew he was never going to take John seriously ever again.
“I want to be me.”
“You are you.”
“You know what I mean.” Sam said. “It’s time for John to go away, he’s too powerful, he’s moved on beyond the realm of celebrity into something else.”
“How much of this is because they killed that man?”
“Sixty-five, maybe seventy percent.”
Sam was still pretty much in shock that someone had tried to assassinate him and that was a big factor in wanting to retire John Michaels, but a bigger factor was the crowd’s reaction to the shooting. It wasn’t just the whole dismembering thing either, shrines and candlelight vigils were all very nice but Sam didn’t want to be the guy who got shit like that. It was just creepy and he didn’t want to mean so much to so many people. He wanted to mean the world to Dean and the kids and that was really it.
“You realize you’re doing exactly what he wanted you to do. He wanted you quiet and now you will be.”
“Maybe so, but at least I’ll be alive to enjoy being quiet.”
“You’re stubborn.”
“That’s what my daddy taught me.” Sam sighed. “And…”
“Maybe you should think about what Dean taught you.”
“What’s that?”
“Not to quit.” John said. “And that the people on top of the mountain didn’t just fall there.”
“I think I’ve spent enough time at the top. It’s time to come back down to Earth.”
“What are you going to do for a living!”
“Dad.” Sam laughed. “Seriously? I’ve made more money since I’ve been awake than most people will make in their entire lives.”
“I mean what are you going to do if you stop working?”
“Garden.” Sam said. “Um, Carol will teach me how to knit, I’ll take up painting, oh, I was thinking about a cooking class.”
“This is ridiculous, you’re not going to just stop working. I didn’t not raise Dean to raise you to just give up.”
“Can we not talk about this now?” Sam asked before he sighed. “Or ever again.”
“Fine.”
“Thank you!”
Sam sighed one more time as dramatically as he could manage and then looked out the window. As far as hospital rooms went he had a pretty nice one with a really amazing view. He could see a lot of the city and a gray sky overhead. It looked like it was going to rain which Sam was sort of looking forward to. The rain always made him feel kinda cozy and if he was stuck in bed he at least wanted things to be cozy. John apparently really had given up for the time being on talking about John Michaels because he didn’t say another word about it but he did put a blanket over Sam’s shoulders which was a very sweet gesture.
“Knock knock!” Anthony whispered as he walked into the room. “Hey.”
“Hey, you.” Sam smiled. “It sucks that I had to get shot to see you.”
“Well, I don’t find that funny at all.” Anthony said under his breath. “Hey, John. I got your scrabble books.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“How are you feeling, Sam?”
“Better, I’m hoping they’ll let me out of here tomorrow and Dean went to get me some breakfast.”
“I brought some stuff.”
“Oh, thanks.”
Anthony had two big bags with him but Sam was more concerned with how pissed off he seemed. He was fine when he first walked in but then Sam made a little joke and that was apparently enough to upset him. He didn’t mean anything by it and he completely understood that Anthony had other obligations. Sam could have talked to him about it but he had a feeling all that was going to do was piss Anthony off even more. John was already annoyed and Sam couldn’t handle both of those bitches bitchin’ at once.
“I have another bag in the car with clothes for the kids for a week or so.”
“I don’t…I’m not going to be in here a week.” Sam said. “We’ll be back home in a day or so.”
“I think it might be best to go to Vermont for a while.”
“Why?”
“Because there are probably three dozen reporters camped out around the house.” Anthony said. “They’re everywhere. They ambushed us when we got back last night.”
“Oh shit.” John sighed. “Fuck.”
“It’s okay.” Sam said calmly. “We’ll get Justin to go over there and tell them to leave.”
“Can he do that?”
“Yeah, he should be able to, if not we’ll send Jeremy and Aaron, no big deal.”
“Good, it was a little scary last night. We were going to stay with Nick for a while but getting rid of them is a better idea. I also spoke with Larry he’s on vacation but he saw the news and he was trying to get back. I told him to stay.”
“Perfect.” Sam smiled. “There’s no reason for him to come back.”
“But he’ll call you in a few days.”
“Sounds good. You didn’t bring Charlie?”
“He went to work with Bruce.” Anthony smiled. “They have a new receptionist and she can keep an eye on him. Nick said he’s going to try to stop by later.”
“I like visitors.”
“Anthony, can you keep an eye on him until Dean gets back?” John asked. “I want to hop in the shower really quick.”
“No problem.”
Sam was getting a little tired of constantly being watched over like he was a child. He actually felt like he was more equipped to deal with someone busting in than anyone else would be, particularly Anthony. Still everyone was under so much stress it probably made them feel better to not worry about things for a few minutes. Since Anthony was in charge John would be able to enjoy his shower which was something Sam wanted to enjoy as well.
When John went into the bathroom he didn’t close the door all the way though it wasn’t wide open like it had been when Dean showered. Sam didn’t get that either but he still didn’t say anything. He did sort of motion with his head once the water came on because Anthony could totally have a field day spying on some hot pappy in the shower action. Not only did Anthony not run to the bathroom, but he barely seemed interested in it at all which just worried Sam.
“You okay? I was just joking about coming to see me.”
“It’s not that Sam.” Anthony said. “If you’re pissed that I’m too busy to see you when I’m doing something I really want to do then you’re a selfish person.”
“I’m not.”
“I didn’t think you were. Bruce said something to me last night and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
“Tell me.”
“He said the next time you don’t want to do something we all need to listen. You said you didn’t want to speak and I pushed and Jensen pushed and…I can’t help but wonder if you knew this was going to happen.”
The short answer was that Sam did know, and the long answer was just really a much longer way of saying yes. His reluctance to speak had nothing to do with the fear of being shot on stage, but Sam had suspected that something might happen for about a week. It started on date night when he found out that Jensen had told the HRC to announce his appearance beforehand. Sam had purposefully told them not to do that because he was too wary of crowds and big open public spaces.
That night after he made love to Dean he fell asleep for just about twenty minutes and had a dream that he was shot on stage, but dreams didn’t become visions until they actually happened. Years ago when Sam had an actual vision it hurt worse than anything he had ever felt, now they were just like the rest of his dreams. He didn’t have a way of knowing something was a vision until it was unfolding in front of him.
When Sam first got the pre-release DVD of Strength it was one of the copies they sent out to the academy for Oscar consideration. Every few minutes the picture would go black and white and there would be a marquee that scrolled across the bottom of the screen. Sam didn’t have a marquee in his dreams that said. “This is a vision for your psychic consideration, please do not distribute” At the time he had no idea and chalked it up to Jensen induced paranoia.
Yesterday morning he almost put on the suit he had worn in his dream but instead he opted for jeans and a blazer. Dean was wearing blue in the dream so Sam dressed him in green and because John was in the dream Sam suggested he stay home with the kids. He was changing things as he went along and when they met up with Jensen and Jared they weren’t dressed as they were in the dream, and the woman in pink wasn’t wearing blue. Sam couldn’t remember if it was the same woman and he didn’t think it mattered because in the dream she didn’t die, but then neither did the shooter.
“Of course I didn’t know.”
“Did you suspect?” Anthony asked. “You had to suspect something.”
“I don’t speak in public for a reason. I’m too controversial and I guess it’s always a concern.”
“God, it was so scary.” Anthony whispered. “Everyone seems to be buying that crazed fans tearing him limb from limb thing.”
“What?”
“You know…”
“That’s what happened.” Sam said. “Isn’t it?”
“Um…no, Sam. That’s not what happened. He was torn apart, I saw that when I was running, but nothing did it.”
“What do you mean, nothing?”
“I mean there was nothing there when he was ripped in half. He just kinda…”
Anthony held out both of his arms in a move that made Sam a little jealous and then sort of twitched to the left and the right. In the confusion of everyone running away Sam could see why a few witness thought that saw other people tearing Arnie limb from limb, but if Anthony said nothing was there then there was a good chance nothing was there or rather that something was invisible.
“You didn’t know?”
“No, no one knew.” Sam whispered. “Aaron and Jeremy even said he was torn apart by the crowd.”
“I sorta thought they did it.”
“No…”
“What are you thinking?”
“Absolutely nothing at all.”
Sam didn’t have a single coherent thought in his head but he did have a lot of images flashing back and forth. Something about being torn apart by the crowd just didn’t sit right with him. Aaron, had he killed Arnie would have been shamed by it so much that he’d have to confess and if Jeremy had done it he would have demanded a party complete with presents. Neither of them said a thing about it and Sam trusted that they were telling the truth.
Mary, although a formidable bald baby apparently wasn’t going to rip people into pieces if she had to and Sam was pretty sure her vengeance only applied to people or things she was close enough to feel. When the gun came out she was all the way in Connecticut and it seemed likely if she had done it they’d be saying the fans of John Michaels had torched a bitch instead of tearing him apart. As scary as it was Milo probably could have done it but he was too far away as well and Sam doubted either of the babies were involved.
“What did it?”
“What.” Sam said. “Exactly, not who.”
“Am I gonna have to break out the big board?”
“No.” Sam laughed. “We’re either dealing with whoever the other special kid is or…something even less appealing to me. Hey, you didn’t happen to see a guy that looks like he works for the IRS downstairs, did you?”
“Um…actually I did. Sort of in a rumpled suit and a trench coat. Hot in a kind of scary way?”
“Inconspicuous my ass. Can you get him for me?”
“Sure, as soon as John’s done with his shower.”
“Anthony, I can take care of myself. I can see the cop still outside from here.”
“I’m following orders.” Anthony said. “Also, if he ever told me to follow orders I’m pretty sure I’d cream my panties.”
“You better go check on him.” Sam whispered. “He’s going to be upset if you don’t sneak a peak.
“Fine!”
Anthony pretended like it was a huge hassle but Sam could tell he really wanted to make sure John hadn’t fallen and couldn’t get up. He walked right into the bathroom and peeked around the curtain with the most satisfied look on his face that Sam had ever seen. He was supposed to be stealthy about it, but that wasn’t his strong suit since John reached out of the shower and slapped him right across the face which apparently Anthony needed because as an actor he depended on his remarkable good looks.
It came on so fast that Dean didn’t even have time to prepare. There was no indication that he was about to break down again, it just happened the second he was done placing a huge breakfast order. Sam wanted eggs benedict with some grits which they had but Dean didn’t know what he wanted to eat or what John might want. Had the menu been smaller making a decision would have been easy, but it was pretty substantial.
In addition to the eggs and grits Dean also ordered some fruit salad for Sam. He loved to balance out a heavy breakfast with something lighter and Dean saw someone across the café that had the fruit salad which looked really good. Dean couldn’t decide between the omelet with avocado and a breakfast sandwich so he got both for himself and then pancakes, French toast, another omelet, and a few muffins for John. He wasn’t going to eat all that food but it would give him and anyone else that stopped by more than enough to choose from.
When Dean was done ordering the nice woman he was talking to smiled and said it would be about fifteen minutes. Dean thought about going back to the hospital, but by the time he got there he’d have to turn around again so he just sat down near the entrance and stared at his hands. He wanted to count to himself or keep his eyes fixed on his watch but he never got that far. At first the air seemed to thicken and then Dean was sure the walls were closing in around him.
The same thing had happened to Dean in the middle of the night when he went to be alone in the bathroom and all he had to do was suck that thick air into his lungs until everything became clear again. It was so easy in the bathroom because he was alone but in the café there were probably thirty people who were all breathing along with him. They were making it harder and just when Dean thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse he heard the whispers.
A man sitting at the table closest to the entrance was telling his wife that it was a miracle Sam had survived. He was watching the rally at work and though he wasn’t a fag he still thought the fags should have rights. His wife was more or less in agreement with him but she didn’t think or say the f-word because it just wasn’t nice and the gays as a whole were just wonderful. She didn’t care what they did behind closed doors and as long as they highlighted her hair and decorated her living room they were just fine with her.
An older woman who was eating and drinking her cup of hot tea alone thought it was just awful that Sam had been shot but she wasn’t really that surprised. He ruffled feathers and even if he ruffled them for a reason that didn’t mean he could do so without consequences. She was a teenager in the fifties and once she had kissed one of her female friends but it didn’t mean a thing and she didn’t see any problem with imagining women while she made love to her husband, God rest his soul.
Somewhere against the back wall a younger guy was thinking about how they kept deleting the clip of Sam getting shot off of YouTube. He knew of some sites that had it up but the last time he went wandering around the internet he ended up getting a virus on the family computer which his mother blamed on pornography. He didn’t need to find porn online because his friends sold it to him cheap and it went directly on his iPod. His mom couldn’t even figure out how to work it and he felt bad for kids his age ten years ago having to watch porn online.
Everything was coming at Dean so fast and then he heard actual voices directly addressing him. Someone had just walked into the café and was leaning down to be face to face with him but that felt like confrontation and Dean didn’t like it at all. He shielded his face with his hands and tried to become smaller but that never really worked and it only made the hushed voices around him more frantic. They were wondering who to call and whether or not Dean was violent since they all had heard stories about what he did to photographers that overstepped their bounds.
“Shut up!” Dean screamed. “Shut up, everyone shut the fuck up!”
Everything went silent and then everyone became perfectly still. It was probably the strangest thing Dean had ever seen because just the patrons had been frozen, everything else was still going. The fan overhead was twirling slowly and one woman’s sugar was still pouring into her coffee. Things were even still frying in the back, Dean could hear the sizzle.
“James.” Dean whispered. “James, something is…”
“It’s me.”
“James?” Dean asked as he opened his eyes. “Oh, you.”
“Breathe.” Gabe smiled. “You’ve been down before.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“You’re hurt and you feel weak for not preventing something beyond your control so you wish to be strong.”
“Why didn’t you stop it?” Dean asked. “If you had stopped it you know he’d trust you.”
Gabe smiled and extended his hand. Dean really wanted to know why they had a fucking angel stalking them if he wasn’t going to help out when they really needed it but apparently that wasn’t a question worth answering. It pissed Dean off but still he was glad to see Gabe. He needed someone around to bring him back from the brink of a very edge. Dean had never in his life felt quite so helpless and he sure as hell didn’t want any thoughts except his own in his head.
Once Dean took Gabe’s hand and was upright everything clicked back on like nothing had even happened. The man who was all up in Dean’s face took a step back and then went to find a seat. The woman fixing her coffee gasped and then laughed to herself and Dean got his food right on schedule since apparently the fifteen minutes had passed. That made Dean even more grateful for Gabe because he must have been freaking out that entire time and he couldn’t imagine what the people there would have been thinking if they could have remembered.
Outside the café everything seemed to make sense again. There was plenty of air to breathe and it didn’t feel like it was sludging in and out of Dean’s lungs. He felt a little like himself again but he knew feeling completely normal, like he felt twenty-four hours ago, was still a long way off. It always took him a while and though he knew it would be quicker if he admitted the truth to himself he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t completely accept that Sam had just been shot twice and nearly died.
“You should come eat with us.” Dean said. “I ordered more than enough.”
“I don’t eat.”
“You don’t eat?”
“No.” Gabe said simply. “I do not.”
“Oh. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Did Sammy know what was going to happen?” Dean asked. “I’m afraid to ask him.”
“You shouldn’t be afraid of anything when it comes to your brother, Dean.” Gabe said. “Did Sam have a clear vision of the shooting and attempt to speak anyway? No. Did he have a feeling? Absolutely.”
“Why didn’t you stop it or warn him?”
“I unfortunately am not omnipotent. If something happens however frightening it may be there’s a very good chance it was meant to happen.”
“How can you say that?” Dean asked. “He could have died. My kids saw him get shot.”
“Your friend Anthony was sexually and physically abused and because of that Sam wrote a book that has given thousands of people hope when they had none. Your son was…your son’s past currently has him at Yale where he belongs.”
“That’s retarded.” Dean said. “He could have ended up at Yale with two parents that loved him and brothers that protected him.”
“Well, if he had that he wouldn’t be at Yale, some other boy who looked like him would be there.”
Dean got the whole strength through adversity thing but he still thought it was bullshit. Michael and Anthony were both over what had happened to them and they had amazing lives but that didn’t change the fact that it had happened just like nothing Sam might do would change him getting shot. Nothing was going to bring Carolyn back either and that was even worse because while Dean was watching Sam in a hospital her family was planning a funeral. It wasn’t fair at all and nothing would make it fair.
“Bullshit.”
“You can believe what you wish, but I’d think it’d be much easier for you, everything would be much easier for you, if everything that’s happened has some purpose.”
“What good is going to come out of that woman being dead?”
“Please tell Sam he’s in my thoughts.” Gabe said. “And that yes, we are responsible for Arnold Bruner’s death.”
“I asked you a question.”
“Yes, you most certainly did.”
“Listen, you…that’s not fair!”
Dean had just about enough of the fucking disappearing thing. It was probably a good thing Gabe left because Dean really wanted to slap him upside the head and doing that to an angel would surely have some negative consequences. Just to be on the safe side Dean waited on the sidewalk for just a minute before he sighed as loud as he could and walked back inside the hospital.
He didn’t really know what to think about the angels taking out the shooter but he knew Sam was going to like it and maybe it would make him change his mind about ganking John Michaels. Dean got how scared he was and he was pretty damn scared himself but by letting John Michaels die he was not only giving people like Arnie exactly what they wanted but he was denying everyone else something they needed. Sam’s power wasn’t visions of the future or telekinesis, his power was his words. They had done more than all the superpowers in the world could and that world was going to be a much worse place without those words.
As much as Dean wanted Sam to stay in the hospital as long as the doctors thought he should he really wanted to get the hell out of there as well. They were filled with sick people and there was always something going on, usually something bad. As he walked back inside and towards the elevator he noticed someone was in the middle of something because there was a rather loud argument going on at the main nurses station on the bottom floor. Three separate women were arguing with one man and they were pretty adamant about him leaving before he caused a scene. Dean groaned and turned his back on all of them because he didn’t want to get involved with that mess.
“Now you listen to me! I am a nice man, but if you don’t tell me where he is I will…well, I’ll be forced to ask nicely again!”
“What the fuc…” Dean whispered.
“I know he’s still here! I ain’t stupid! That was Oscar Winner Jared Padalecki that left here last night and I’m not leaving until you tell me where he is or you send down someone he knows to come and get me!”
“Sir.” One of the nurses said. “If you don’t calm down we will call security.”
“If you don’t tell me where Sam is I will slap you upside the head and knock that shit eating grin off your face and right clear into next week!”
“Aren’t you a nice man.” Dean said as he walked over. “One, since when do you threaten people, two, what the hell are you doing here, and three, who’s feeding my hippo?”
“Dean!”
Before Todd could give Dean the biggest hug he could manage he made sure the three nurses saw that he was in fact in the inner circle. They all apologized to Dean but not one of them apologized to Todd. They pretty much completely ignored him which Dean was going to let slide since he had threatened all of them. Dean was so glad to see him and he was impressed that he was there and alone. He must have come right from the airport because he had a rumpled bag with him and what appeared to be a plastic tray of Rice Crispy Treats.
“Is he okay?” Todd asked. “I kept calling but no one answered so I told Belle I was just getting on a plane.”
“You did that all by yourself?”
“Well, I had to.”
“He’s fine.” Dean smiled. “Still a little shaky but he’s fine.”
“What about you?” Todd asked as he picked up his bag,. “How are…oh, Dean…”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
Dean was so far from fine that it wasn’t even really funny. He kept trying so hard to keep it together but whenever someone new would ask for the first time he’d break down some. If Todd had shown up yesterday Dean would have bawled for at least ten minutes but since he came a day later it only lasted about three. Dean cried and held on to their hug for as long as he could before he began to worry about the food getting cold. He then worried about Sam or John not liking it and who was going to bring the kids over to visit.
Dean didn’t want to worry about any of that. He wanted to work on the car or hide in the cabin with Alex. He wanted to talk shit with Bruce or throw some pottery with Todd. More than anything he wanted to make love to Sam or just rest his head on his chest. He wanted everything to go back to normal, like it should have been. They shouldn’t have been in the hospital. They should have been at home with the kids in the barn and the babies at the kitchen table getting breakfast.
Since he couldn’t change the past Dean hitched up his big boy britches and went back to Sam’s room with Todd trailing behind him. Dean had probably only been gone about twenty-five minutes but that was enough time for the changing of the guards. John was gone and apparently Anthony had been there and then left since Sam had the laptop. Since he couldn’t be left alone Jensen had arrived to watch over him and he came with a peace offering in the form of a single blue balloon tied to a rectangular box. Sam hadn’t opened it yet so he must have just arrived. He was going to ask but Sam had to see Todd first and promise him he was okay.
“I’m fine!”
“You are not fine!” Todd yelled. “You’re in the hospital!”
“Well, I’m better in here than I would be anywhere else, right?”
“I guess so.” Todd sighed. “Belle made you some Rice Crispy Treats. I want you to eat them all. You hear me?”
“I’ll try.”
“This is just awful!”
“Dean.” Jensen whispered. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, tired.” Dean nodded. “Who was here when you got here?”
“No one was in the room with him but the cop was close.”
“Dean, I was fine, I promise you.” Sam said. “Dad went to get the kids and Anthony is looking for Gabe.”
“Gabe is a dick.” Dean said as he began to unpack his bag. “He says everything happens for a reason and that they killed the shooter.”
“That’s sort of what I assumed. Makes me feel a little better.”
“Is Gabe a cop?” Jensen asked. “I thought the people in the crowd killed him.”
“He’s an angel.” Dean sighed. “Then I asked what good could possibly come out of that woman getting killed and he completely ignored me.”
“What woman?” Todd asked. “Did something else happen?”
“The woman who introduced me.” Sam said. “Weren’t you watching?”
“Yeah, I…I was watching.”
“Carolyn?” Jensen asked. “She needed like five stitches. She’s fine.”
“Excuse me?” Dean said. “What did you just say?”
Jensen put down his box with the balloon tied to it and held up a copy of the newspaper. Sam was of course front page news, but they mentioned Carolyn as well who had introduced him and been grazed by the first bullet. She had actually participated in a press conference last night about how horrible it was that Sam got shot. Dean knew that never happened because yesterday her brains were all over Sam’s face and Jensen knew she was dead because he was friendly with the woman.
“I talked to her this morning already. Instead of sending flowers I thought it would be nice for people to make donations to the center.”
“Well, he’s obviously not that big of a dick.” Sam whispered. “Dean, let’s not talk about this right now.”
“He brings her back to life but he can’t stop you from getting shot?”
“Dean.”
Sam cleared his throat in an attempt to remind Dean that there were two sort of civilians in the room with them. Jensen knew more than Todd but he didn’t know that dying wasn’t really as big a deal as everyone made it out to be. Dean was more and less pissed off than he had been earlier but Sam was right and it wasn’t the time to discuss it. He was incredibly relieved about Carolyn, but at the same time he was just angrier about Sam sitting in an uncomfortable chair and wearing a cheap hospital gown.
“Lemme get your food out, baby.”
“Thank you.”
“I brought you a present.” Jensen said. “I can’t make what I did better, Sam and believe me if I could I would.”
“Jensen, it’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is, partly. Anyway, I hope this helps some. I know it really won’t but it’s the best I can do.”
“Thank you.”
Jensen nodded and then sort of retreated to a safe distance. Once things calmed down some, maybe once they were back at home Dean was going to have to sit him down and have a long talk with him about what he was and wasn’t responsible for. Obviously he was taking more than his fair share of the blame and that was going to end up biting him in the ass eventually. He looked so broken and he was definitely trying to fight a little smile as Sam unwrapped the box. Sam wasn’t fighting anything because he had a big smile on his face from the moment he got the paper off.
“Oooh…” Sam whispered. “Jensen…”
“John Varvatos.” Jensen said. “Spectator boot. They’re all handmade and I know you don’t wear brown a lot but they look great with jeans apparently.”
“Wow.”
“Do you like them?”
“They’re beautiful, thank you.” Sam smiled. “Thanks.”
“You’re…you’re welcome.”
“Jen…”
“I gotta pee.”
Jensen rushed out of the room even though there was a bathroom right next to him. Dean wanted to go after him but he knew that sometimes people needed a few minutes alone so he finished unpacking the rest of the food with a little help from Todd. As soon as Sam had started eating he asked Dean very nicely to help him into his new boots because fabulous footwear was essential to the healing process.
By the time Jensen came back Sam had the boots on with his hospital gown and while he looked absolutely ridiculous he still had a smile on his face. Jensen joined them for breakfast and even had one of Belle’s Rice Crispy Treats. In time Dean knew Jensen was going to be okay and so was Sam and everyone else as well. He knew he was going to be okay too and the walls wouldn’t close in anymore and the air wouldn’t thicken. All he needed was some time and some good friends to make it pass a little more easily.
All Sam wanted was the simplest pleasure of getting his grimy body clean. Ideally that would have happened in his big oversized tub at the house in Connecticut. Sam really wanted to soak in some scorching hot and sudsy water that would scald his skin and relax his muscles. That wasn’t going to happen until Friday at the earliest so the best he could do was the shower attached to his hospital room. It wasn’t fancy and he had not a single Aveda product with him, but he knew the water would be hot and he assumed Dean would be in there with him to get him clean all over. Sam wasn’t up for anything more than a shower but being hot, naked, and wet with Dean was going to do wonders for his general mood.
Since the kids were coming to pay him a visit Sam wanted to shower as soon as he was done with breakfast. He had eaten everything Dean specifically ordered for him and then a few bites or nibbles of everything else. He was so hungry and the real food satisfied him in a way hospital food was never going to be able to. When he was done Sam mentioned the shower and raised one naughty eyebrow in Dean’s direction but he didn’t get a giggle in return or even a smile. Normally Dean loved when they bathed together but that was before Sam had four bandages that would have to be removed.
He didn’t realize what a problem that would be until he was in the bathroom with Dean and the gown was about to come off. Dean had already removed Sam’s new boots and his little thin socks, but the gown was the real problem because underneath it were blood soaked gauze and under that were perfect round and sutured holes. When the doctors had looked yesterday and that morning Dean was looking the other way, away from Sam. It was just further proof that Mikey was growing up right because he was turning into the same man Dean was. After all if he couldn’t see it then it wasn’t there.
Once the cheap thin gown was on the floor Dean seemed to be gathering up his courage which must have been in short supply. He kept on hesitating until Sam took his hands and placed them on his chest in an attempt to encourage him. Dean’s whole body was shaking and though Sam wanted that shower more than almost anything else he nearly said they could skip it. He couldn’t do it alone and while Anthony would have gladly stripped down to help out Sam didn’t want anyone except for Dean to do it. Having his ass wiped by someone else was fine, but only one man got to touch all over his body.
“Why’d you say it?”
“What?”
“When I got to you.” Dean said. “When I was kneeling next to you.”
“Because if anything happened to me that’s what I’d want.” Sam whispered. “I’d want you to be happy with someone else.”
“Would you want our kids calling someone else daddy?”
“If you wanted that person to be their father and that’s what they wanted.”
“Just so we’re clear if anything does ever happen to you I will never move on.”
“And just so we’re clear.” Sam smiled. “I’d want you to.”
“We’ll agree to disagree.”
“You don’t have to do this, Dean.”
“Yeah, Sammy, I think I do. I can’t tell my kids to be big boys if I’m not one.”
“Just remember I’m fine.” Sam said. “I’m fine.”
“I know.”
When Dean’s eyes welled up his hands shook even harder. Sam really needed to get home because there were just too many people around and Dean couldn’t feel the way he was feeling. He kept trying to stay as strong and he could and it was a losing battle. He needed to let loose for as long as he wanted to without someone seeing him be weak. Sam would have loved for him to cry as hard as he could in front of everyone just to get it out but Dean wasn’t going to do that.
Dean chose the bandage on Sam’s shoulder first. He removed the one of the front and then the one on the back because those were a little easier to look at. Getting shot in the shoulder wasn’t really that big of a deal and Dean really handled it well. It obviously wasn’t something that was easy for him but he didn’t shake any harder or cry any louder. He just removed the bandages and tossed them into the garbage can next to the sink.
When the third bandage came off the wound on Sam’s chest, so close to his heart, Dean smiled just a little. It was a weak smile that wasn’t much but it was a hell of a lot better than Sam was expecting. He had of course already looked at the wound on his chest and it was pretty bad but bullets made little neat holes and it certainly could have been worse. Sam didn’t want to think about what would have happened if the bullet entered just a half inch down or over. He was lucky and Sam just really hoped that Dean realized that.
The bathroom was so small and they were almost on top of each other which was the only reason Sam didn’t realize anything was about to happen until Dean had almost done it. He leaned forward some and his lips were actually touching the little neat black sutures when Sam painful raised his arms to hold him back. He didn’t push and he wasn’t forceful but he did stop him before his lips made contact with the open wound.
“Don’t do that.”
“Why?” Dean asked. “I want to.”
“I don’t want you to do that. It’s not safe.”
“Safe?” Dean laughed weakly. “When does that matter?”
“I don’t want any more of my blood in you.”
“What? Sammy, I love you, but I wasn’t going to suck at a bullet wound.”
“What were you doing?”
“Kissing your boo-boo.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not as bad as I thought.” Dean said before he kissed Sam’s chest. “I bet that feels better.”
“It actually does.”
“Lemme get the back one off. We don’t have much time, the doctor wants you back on the IV.”
“Yeah.” Sam nodded. “Just wash my hair first. I don’t want the twins yelling at me for not keeping my daddy colored hair clean.”
“They so would too.”
“Right?”
“I like that you make twins for us, Sammy.” Dean smiled. “Come on.”
The shower was heavenly. It was easily the most amazing one Sam had had in good long while. The pressure was decent and though the shower head didn’t massage his tired and weary muscles the hot water was pretty damn fantastic. Being in there with Dean was even better because there were moments where Sam could close his eyes, ignore the dull ache, and pretend like they were home amid marble and thick glass surrounds.
That would be perfect and until Sam got home he was going to rely on his harmless fantasy. He was going to keep his eyes closed and just stand still while Dean’s hands and fingers glided over ever inch of his long hard body. The nurse was so adamant that they not dawdle in the shower because Sam needed to get back on the IV which was steadily supplying pain medication, but she didn’t know what Dean was capable of. She didn’t know that he was a God wrapped up in a very cute little package that made everything okay without much effort at all.
“Sammy, listen.”
“Yeah?” Sam moaned. “God, it feels so good in here.”
“I agree.” Dean said before he cleared his throat. “If you need to make a poopies you tell me, okay?”
“What?”
“You didn’t go yesterday and I think you might be embarrassed but I’ll help you out.”
“Help me out?” Sam smiled. “If I had to make poopies you’d wipe my ass afterwards?”
“Well, I do it for Ollie, it only seems fair.”
“If I tell you a secret you have to promise not to let me fall.”
Sam was standing upright but he wasn’t really steady. He was a big guy but he didn’t do well with any kind of painkiller. He was a little wobbly on his feet and Dean sort of had him wedged into the corner so he wouldn’t fall over. Of course the idea of Dean letting him fall was ridiculous but Sam couldn’t risk making him laugh so hard that he forgot all about his brotherly and husbandly obligations.
“Tell me.”
“I went this morning.”
“Then I better soap up three fingers instead of the usual two.”
“With assistance from dad.”
“Oh…my…Beans.” Dean whispered. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” Sam laughed. “Of course ten minutes later he tried to use it against me.”
“You seriously let dad wipe your ass?”
“Mmhmm.”
“That’s hot.” Dean whispered. “And way too kinky for me!”
“Shut up!”
When they laughed together Sam felt a little glimmer of hope. Dean’s laugh wasn’t as weak as it had been and if he had to laugh over Sam doing a doodie then that was just fine. He wasn’t embarrassed at all because he read a book once that told him everybody poops and if anyone had anything to be embarrassed about it was John. Sam was really tempted to make fun of him but after four grandkids sitting on the toilet John was pretty much a master butt wiper and maybe they could get him a trophy of some kind.
Outside the bathroom there was quite a bit of giggling as well which maybe had something to do with Alex and James keeping the kids in high spirits. Sam would have preferred if they hadn’t been making fun of him but the kids were all smiling and laughing which was good enough. Alex was laying in bed dramatically fanning himself while James kept guard at his side looking just as worried as Dean did but not nearly as cute. Being in the hospital wasn’t anything to joke about but the kids liked it so Sam allowed it and made a mental note to punish Alex and James as soon as possible.
“Daddy!” Ollie yelled. “Well, is nice to see ya not a lazy bones! Did a know how much Your Beans would wanna lay in a bed all day wearing a dwess!”
“Oh God.” Dean groaned. “One problem at a time, boy!”
“Wha!”
“Where is your dress, daddy?” Evan asked. “Alex said you had to wear a dress since you’re in here because of a severe case of fussy britches.”
“It was a gown.” Sam said. “And uncle Anthony bought me these nifty pajamas…and underwear!”
“I had to wear my underwear twice!” Ethan gasped. “And then grandpa brought us new underwear and we all took a bath.”
“And then Amy says was to make a bweakfast…Oh, daddy! Was terrible!”
“You poor thing.” Sam frowned. “I’m sorry.”
“You guys clear off so daddy can get back in bed.” Dean said. “Just for a few minutes so he can see two muffin heads at once.”
“He missed you, daddy.” Mikey said. “I slept close to him last night.”
“Thank you, Mikey.” Sam said. “You okay?”
“Are you?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Then so am I.” Mikey smiled. “I’m okay.”
Mikey considered it a great honor to be old enough and big enough to hold Milo and he certainly had his work cut out for him. Milo had been squirming like a slippery greased weasel since Sam stepped out of the bathroom with Dean by his side. Mary was doing the same thing but John had a pretty good hold on her and Dean didn’t have to sit down to attempt to hold her. It upset Sam a little but soon enough he was going to be home and carrying both of the babies around while Ollie was hanging off his back.
As soon as he was in the bed Mikey passed Milo to James who sat him right on Sam’s stomach. He looked around for a second just to make sure no one else was going to mess with him and then he climbed right up Sam’s body. Dean was about to stop him before he got close to the unbandaged wounds under his shirt but Sam just shook his head to keep him back. He didn’t care if Milo wiggled his fingers right through the sutures, he was just too happy to have him so close. It was even better once Mary was there and James lifted Ethan and Evan up. Ollie grabbed a spot to the left of Sam and Mikey sat on Dean’s lap in the chair next to the bed. They were all there except for Michael which was okay because Sam didn’t want him missing school.
“Are you coming home with us, daddy?” Evan asked. “We can all sleep in the big bed to make you feel better.”
“I have to stay here one more night and then I’ll be home.”
“And you’ll be better then?” Ethan asked. “You have to get better, daddy.”
“As soon as I leave.”
“Daddy, You Beans has to do a school tomorrow.” Ollie said. “A told Holly that would miss one day, but not two.”
“We’re going home in a little bit.” John said. “Justin went and told the reporters to leave and the kids don’t need to be in the city if you’re coming back tomorrow.”
“And I want to see Charlie.” Mikey said. “If that’s okay. James said he would watch us and Charlie can come over after school.”
“That’s fine.” Dean nodded. “But no driving around and helping people. I’m going to be upset if you do that.”
“Grandpa told me.”
“You did?” Sam asked. “What did you tell him?”
“That he’ll help people in other ways.” John said as he brushed back Sam’s hair. “Right, Mikey?”
“Like you with writing books, daddy, or Jeremy at the center and Aaron at church.”
“So now you don’t want to drive around and help people?”
“Well, maybe.” Mikey said after he gave it some thought. “But it might be with Jeremy because he told me that sometimes you can drive around and bring people food.”
“You know what?” Sam asked. “I think that’s an excellent idea.”
“Well, good daddy.” Mikey smiled. “And I talked it over with grandpa and if you want to be John Michaels that’s okay with me, with all of us.”
“Is okay, daddy!” Ollie nodded. “Jus as long as ya wemember The Beans is a king.”
“Well, thank you all, but I’m just going to be daddy Sammy from now on.”
If Sam hadn’t been in such a fantastic mood he would have definitely said something about the eyes of every adult in the room. Dean looked over at John who then turned to James who just had to exchange a sideways glance with Alex. The four of them didn’t say a word but they were all biting their tongues, Sam could tell. He sort of got where they were coming from but his mind was made up. John Michaels died yesterday afternoon and everyone was going to have to deal with that as they saw fit.
“Well.” Alex said. “You look great!”
“Thanks, Alex.” Sam smiled. “I heard you were captain calm and collected yesterday.”
“Someone had to be.”
“He proved himself a Winchester.” James said. “And Ann will be coming to see you tonight after school.”
“Oh, good.”
“Oh, and mom said she’s going to see you as soon as you’re home.” Mikey smiled. “Because Tony works and she doesn’t want to bring Becca into the city, but she’s thinking of you.”
“That’s sweet. Anthony said he’s talked to everyone else, you know um, Ethan and Jack and Luke.”
“Yeah.” John nodded. “Oh, and I talked with Bobby and Ellen, they’re sending flowers.”
“We’ve got Anthony and Todd on flower duty collecting cards.” Dean laughed. “He said there’s like a million bouquets.”
“Is Auden coming to see me?” Sam asked. “Did he say he was coming?”
John, James, and Alex all exchanged that worried look and Dean glanced at them expectantly. Sam absolutely didn’t need Auden there but he liked how it felt to have his loved ones around him. Maybe it made him a little selfish after so many other visitors but he really would have enjoyed a visit from his oldest best friend. He could even bring Wystan with him even though Sam had seen him just yesterday he still missed that sweet little baby.
“Perhaps he will.” James nodded. “Or once you’re home.”
“So, is that a no?”
“Sam, it was a little hard on him. He wants to come but…”
“It’s real if he comes.” Mikey said. “He said he loves you, he told me.”
“Well, that’s good enough. I think you guys should go see the babies upstairs and then maybe daddy will push me around in a chair.”
“We wanna stay wit you, daddy.”
Sam wanted them to stay with him too, but he saw one of the many nurses right outside the door about to make her entrance. If they stayed they’d have to see the IV being reattached which wasn’t all that bad since the catheter was still in. Sam was more worried about having to unbutton his loose shirt to have more bandages applied. He wasn’t sure he wanted them to see that but then he had a thought.
Mikey was so unprepared for the reality of something bad happening because they had sheltered him so much. God forbid if something else were to happen Sam didn’t want the twins or Ollie to deal with the same thing at some point down the road. Sam didn’t think sheltering the kids made them bad parents and he wasn’t sure if exposing them to something upsetting would either. Surely John shoving a gun into Sam’s hand hadn’t screwed him up too bad so he reasoned that letting the kids watch was just fine and Dean nodded in agreement without saying a word.
“Who are all these handsome young men?” The nurse asked. “And two precious babies.”
“These are my kids.” Sam smiled. “Almost all of them.”
“Are you taking care of daddy?” Ethan asked. “I heard that one time my other daddy wanted to dress up like a nurse.”
“Ethan.” Dean said while clearing his throat. “Come on, be cool.”
“But then they played nasty doctors instead. Of course you know all about that since you must work for uncle Bruce who is like a nurse but better.”
“That’s Dr. uncle Bruce.” Evan informed her. “And if you hurt our daddy he’ll hear about it.”
“Well, I promise not to hurt him.”
“Anwabah.” Milo whispered to Mary. “Dwabah.”
“You two behave.” Sam whispered. “Be good!”
“Mr. Winchester, would you like to…I really have to put fresh bandages on.”
“They can stay.” Sam nodded. “I want you guys to see what happened and it’s nothing to be scared of.”
“You don think a blowdwy!”
“No, baby, don’t worry about that.”
“It’s not scary?” Mikey asked. “At all?”
“No.” Dean said. “It’s not.”
Mary and Milo looked the most interested in the nurse but they completely ignored her once Sam unbuttoned his shirt some. That revealed a little taut, tan, and smooth belly for them to rest on and apparently it had to be slapped several times to make sure it was adequate. Sam assumed that was what they were doing and if they were just slapping him for the hell of it that was fine too.
When both wounds were plainly visible Sam’s eyes went around the room to see everyone’s reaction. John had already seen them so he didn’t do much of anything and Dean was too focused on the kids to really look at them again. Alex took a deep breath and then a step backwards but that was because he really didn’t like guns which was completely understandable. James just nodded very solemnly, but Sam knew that they were going to have to spend some time talking to him as well.
Ollie, who was still so young didn’t really get what the two sutured round wounds were and he quickly lost interest to join Mary and Milo with the belly testing. Ethan frowned a little and then put his arm over Evan’s shoulder who didn’t like what he saw at all. He bit his bottom lip and then turned away but he didn’t cry. It wasn’t because he was trying to be brave either, he just knew that despite the wounds Sam really was okay.
Mikey, who wouldn’t even look at Sam yesterday leaned forward on Dean’s lap and held on to the rails of the bed for support. He studied the wounds carefully and everyone, the nurse included studied him right back. He had the strangest look on his face but it wasn’t sad, angry, or confused. If anything he just looked a little blank and then grateful once he got to see and the nurse covered up the front to work on the back.
“Any questions?” Sam asked. “It’s just like falling down and scraping your knee.”
“You don even know a Mawy!” Ollie yelled. “Wait until a see daddy’s wocks! Much bettah!”
“Anhbah!” Mary said as she slapped Sam’s stomach again. “Wah!”
“Any other questions?”
“Uncle Auden said it’s because you’re a hero.” Evan whispered. “And Alex said you were like Superman because sometimes people don’t like when other people do the right thing.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“I do.” Mikey smiled. “You could go your whole life and never do anything, but you know what?”
“What?”
“You’d go your whole life and never do anything.”
“So what are you going to do, daddy?” Ethan asked. “Are you going to not do anything or are you going to do something?”
Sam made a little laugh that was actually about half a sigh then he tried to make a decision about what to do with the rest of his life. Mikey was right and if he didn’t do anything then he didn’t do anything but still John Michaels had done enough. He was too powerful and people expected too much from him. He was absolutely staying dead, that was for the best, but Sam was going to have to come up with another solution that would teach the kids to not run away. He was going to think long and hard on that but it had to wait until after he was out of the hospital since the kids testing his belly was what really mattered. |
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