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[Jun. 3rd, 2009|05:51 pm] |
Oh Word 2002, you're so wonderful! Thanks for all the comments on my craptacular situation. I'm getting used to the new computer slowly and having the Word I actually like is helping immensely.
Title: Now.
Author: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) bitchandjerk
Characters: Sam/Dean,John/Mary/OFC OMCs OFCs
Rating :R
Words10,200/2,731,000
Warnings: Wincest,
Summary: On Friday Sam finally gets to come home from the hospital.
Notes::AU, rest are here.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Feedback: Makes me hard
On Friday morning Dean woke up after five glorious hours of sleeping in his own bed. It was more comfortable than it had ever been and the only reason he was getting out was because Mary had finally peed on him. She was wearing a diaper so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been but she had most certainly tinkled in a very lady like fashion and then pulled on Dean’s eyelids to let him know she needed assistance. He was in bed on his back and she was resting on his chest though he wasn’t sure how long she was awake or how long she had been wet.
Mary had been there since four in the morning when Dean got home with Sam. The doctors had agreed that Sam could go home if he took it easy and Dean promised he would. They even agreed to let him leave in the middle of the night since the whole Jared distraction hadn’t fooled the die hard photographers and reporters. They knew Sam was still in the hospital and had they left in the morning when the sun was out they would have followed him back to Connecticut which no one wanted.
The exit from the hospital had gone off without a hitch and Jeremy was waiting with Aaron as soon as Sam was in the backseat of the Hummer. Dean barely had the door closed before they each had a wound under their hand and Sam was moaning in pleasure. James had tagged along to give up a little extra juice because he wanted to be helpful and he absolutely was. Sam was as good as new again and if Dean hadn’t been there or if the footage of the shooting wasn’t all over the internet they could have pretended like nothing happened. It was easy to do that with one incident, but that incident had set ten different things in motion, none of which could be easily ignored.
The most upsetting to Dean was that Mikey seemed to understand a little too well what had happened. Dean knew in the long run that was a good thing, but Mikey was only eight and it would have been nice for him to remain blissfully unaware of things a little while longer. By no means did Dean want him ignorant but he was still his little boy and he really wanted him to find out there was no Easter Bunny before he realized Sam was someone worth assassinating. He couldn’t do anything about that though so Dean was just honest and made sure Mikey knew they could talk if he wanted to.
The other thing that was bothering Dean was something Jeremy had mentioned on the ride home last night. He actually mentioned it first while Sam was still in the hospital but everyone had done their best to pretend like they didn’t hear him. He was positively convinced that Gabe had an ulterior motive or at the very least a devious plan that Sam obviously played a large part in. He refused to believe that someone trying to kill Sam was just random and even went as far to suggest that Gabe and the other winged dicks were behind it which Aaron thought was ridiculous.
Dean would have thought that was ridiculous too except that Jeremy was pretty damn convincing and there had been some strange things going on. When Michael arrived at the hospital Gabe had seen him through the crowds and he did the same thing with Amy. When Dean broke down at the café he was right there to help him out, but he never once went to check on Sam. That wasn’t too odd considering how Sam felt about him but hanging around and not checking in made Dean scratch his noodle after Jeremy mentioned it.
Jeremy also thought that Carolyn’s mysterious resurrection was more than a little suspicious. He wasn’t doubting that the angels could bring someone back, but he was left wondering why they’d bother with someone like Carolyn. She was a nice enough woman with a family and a good job, but she wasn’t someone Jeremy would have deemed worthy which was to say her death wouldn’t affect the world one way or the other. She had been brought back though which just so happened to alleviate a bit of the guilt Sam had.
His most interesting argument, to Dean at least, as that the angels or angel, they weren’t really sure, didn’t have a problem when it came to killing the shooter. They tore him apart but it wasn’t until after Sam had been shot twice. Jeremy didn’t give a shit if Gabe wasn’t omnipotent when that first bullet hit so close to Sam he knew exactly what was going on and could have stopped the next two. He hadn’t though which meant he wanted Sam to get shot for some reason no one could fathom.
Aaron called that whole argument the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard because Gabe cared for Sam and he was too invested in their entire family to willingly cause them any harm. Dean agreed with that as well but he couldn’t help but wonder what harm had really been done. Sam had been shot, but he hadn’t died and he was good as new again. Carolyn was alive and some fanatic was dead. John Michaels was dead as well and Dean couldn’t help but wonder if that was exactly what was supposed to happen. Only time would tell but he was going to keep his eyes and ears open just to stay on top of things.
The other thing that happened because Sam got shot was the doubt it caused. Surprisingly it wasn’t doubt coming from Dean because he knew he had done everything he could. He got to Sam when he was able, he compressed the wound in his chest, and he stayed with him in the hospital. That was really all he could do, but unfortunately it wasn’t all Jeremy or James could do.
Jeremy hadn’t said out loud that he was blaming himself for not seeing the threat but Dean could tell he was. He was looking at Sam in the strangest way and it was quite obvious that he was unnecessarily beating himself up. Aaron looked worried as well but he wasn’t blaming himself for anything, he was just torn up about Jeremy. All he really wanted out of life was to keep his family safe and when the opportunity presented itself he wasn’t there to help out in the way he wanted to. Sam would have been dead with out his help but apparently that wasn’t good enough. In a few days they were going to have to talk about it with him and Dean was ready for that conversation.
A conversation he was less ready for was going to have to take place with James who had apparently moved back into the house yesterday. He hadn’t even lived with Ann for a week before he came back and obviously where he was living had something to do with stopping Arnie before he shot Sam. Dean knew that was really oversimplifying it but James had never planned on attending the rally with them so regardless of where he hung his hat he wouldn’t have been there to stop anyone. It obviously made him feel better to be back in the house and Dean was fine with him there for a few days but he had to go back to his real home where he belonged and was really needed. Ann was an amazing woman but she wasn’t going to put up with James’ issues forever and Dean couldn’t have that.
All that bullshit, and it was most definitely bullshit, popped into Dean’s head when he woke up to Mary pulling on his eyelids. He didn’t have a moment of just blank thought when he woke up and it pissed him off. His week sure as hell wasn’t going the way it was supposed to, but at least he got to wake up with a pretty young thing making goo-goo eyes at him. Mary and the rest of the kids made all the bullshit in the world worth it.
“You peed on me.”
“Wabah.”
“What does that even mean?” Dean asked as he sat up. “You two say that to everything.”
“Wabahwah.”
“And that’s pretty much the same thing with another wah at the end.”
“Wahbahday!”
“I’m just messing with you! I know what that means!”
Wabah, as Dean understood it meant “Short daddy” and Wabahwah simply meant that short daddy was the best looking daddy in the world. When you threw a day on the end of it that meant that it was short daddy day and everyone had to celebrate Dean's existence. Sam tended to disagree with that but Dean didn’t care because he had translated the baby speak first and Mary loved him the best. Sam was always quick to remind Dean that Milo loved him more than anything else in the whole wide world, but so did everyone else so it really wasn’t much of an accomplishment.
After Mary was in a fresh diaper and Dean had made his own pee-pee in the big boy toilet they went downstairs to see what they could get into for breakfast. Something smelled absolutely incredible and while Mary was going to have some mushy food and formula she was even sniffing around and talking about daddy day a little more excitedly. Tall daddy was up to something and Dean knew it was going to be good.
They found Sam and Milo in the kitchen surrounded by the biggest breakfast feast on record. Dean actually had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things because it was just so much food. Sam had said his time in the hospital had him itchin’ for his kitchen but Dean had no idea just how hard he’d have to scratch. The counter was filled with scrambled and fried eggs, ham, sausage, and bacon. There were biscuits, cinnamon rolls, pancakes, and waffles. Dean even spotted oatmeal, grits, fruit salad, and a bowl of cheerios. Sam had even put out all the juices, chocolate and white milk, and a big cup of coffee was waiting for Dean.
“Wow.” Dean said as he put Mary in her high chair. “Um…wow.”
“Good morning.”
“Morning, Sammy.” Dean smiled. “This is incredible.”
“Well, I do try.”
“Lemme just love on Miwhoa for a second and then I’m going to dig in. Daddy must have really wanted to cook!”
“Wahabahbah!”
“Why yes I am more handsome than ever!” Dean smiled. “Thank you so much Milo and you are…”
Dean had an empty plate at the table where he normally sat and while he was kissing and loving on Milo, Sam had placed a little blue box on it complete with a bow. It was too big for a ring but it was kind of that shape. If he had breakfast without a present or a present with a normal breakfast Dean wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong, but both of them meant trouble. Something was going on and Dean had no idea what it was. He threw a panicked looked in Mary’s direction but she just brought up short daddy day which was totally present worthy but Sam normally didn’t observe the high holiday.
“You can open that after breakfast.” Sam whispered as he kissed Dean’s ear. “Dad went to drop Ollie off at school and then he’s stopping at the grocery so I can make fried chicken for lunch.”
“I…I didn’t get you anything, Sammy.”
“You’ve given me everything by being the greatest husband and father in the world.”
“That’s sweet…”
“I love you, Dean.”
“I love you too, Sammy.”
Dean really was in deep shit because Sam had that over the moon in love look on his face. He really only did that after some particularly sweet love making which hadn’t happened, when Dean bought him presents, which he hadn’t, or when they had an anniversary or other special day. That thought made Dean panic even more before he was sure he forgot something but it was the middle of October. He had to think fast because Sam was putting together the pieces and he could obviously tell that Dean was completely lost.
December was the first time they played hide the salami, and June tenth was the first time they got married. Christmas eve was the second time and Dean knew the third time was on the thirteenth of September because that was like a month ago. Nothing happened in the middle of October at least not as far as their relationship was concerned. Sam was maybe celebrating Michael’s birthday early, but that was on the nineteenth which was six days away. There was absolutely nothing memorable about October thirteenth except that it was Friday the thirteenth but still Jared’s poor choices were nothing worth celebrating, mocking sure, but not celebrating.
“It’s the thirteenth.” Sam said. “Of October.”
“It sure is! Let’s take a dump in a box and mail it to Jared!”
“Dean…you don’t know what today is?”
“Um, no, I don’t and if you’re going to yell at me can I just remind you that I’ve been at the bottom of a barrel full of shit since Wednesday and I’m sorry that I obviously forgot something important to you.”
“Us.” Sam said as he sat down. “I think you should eat and then maybe we can get some more sleep.”
When Sam pushed back his hair Dean leaned into his hand and kissed the center of his palm. Dean had to keep joking and laughing because even if everything had worked out just fine it had still happened. He was okay but sometimes things just got really hard. It was only for a few seconds at a time but sometimes those few seconds were more than Dean could really deal with. It was worse when he was alone with Sam or at least more frequent since the kids kept him in high spirits.
“I’m okay.” Dean smiled. “What’d I forget?”
“It’s been a month since we got married.” Sam said. “No big deal.”
“Oh, shit.”
“It’s okay. You’re right you’ve been through a lot this week. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
“Are you okay?”
“I feel fine.” Sam nodded. “Much better after I slept in my own bed and actually did something. I hate downtime.”
“I know, but don’t push it okay?”
“I won’t.”
Jeremy had recommended that Sam not overdo it because even if he was healed, he had just been shot twice. Apparently accelerating the healing process wasn’t just a presto chango kind of thing, Sam still had to take it easy because all his strength and energy had been diverted. He seemed fine but Dean still wanted him to exercise some caution.
Fine was maybe putting it lightly judging by the food on the table and the smile on Sam’s face. Dean even heard the washer and dryer going so he was doing a little laundry as well. Sam was even on top of getting Mary fed while Dean began to eat his own breakfast. Though he was never going to say it out loud or devote much time to thinking about it, Dean was a little jealous of Sam and for once it wasn’t professional at all. He had been shot twice and he was perfectly fine and able to pick up both babies if he had a mind to. When Dean was shot he hadn’t been able to hold Ollie for weeks and until Justin healed him he dealt with a dull ache everyday.
Dean knew it wasn’t Sam’s fault because things were different but it was still bothering him a little. Dean had to stay in the hospital and he had to come home to take pills because the pain was so bad. The day after he got out he was forced to stay in bed but Sam was up bright and early. Dean was really glad he was okay and not in pain but it was one of those things where Sam just seemed to be luckier.
“You can open it while you eat if you want.”
“Okay.” Dean said as he picked up the little box. “I’ll give you a special present later.”
“You think you might want to do something after dad gets back or once James wakes up?”
“Yeah, of course. You want to?”
“Mmhmm.” Sam whispered. “Very much so.”
“Then I suppose I’ll have to have sex with you.” Dean smiled. “Then a little more sleep I think and we can talk to James after lunch.”
“Poor James.”
“I know, Sammy, we’ll talk to him.”
Dean wasn’t sure what they were going to say but he was going to try to say something. He figured after some sex and a little nap he’d be recharged and full of new ideas. In the meantime he needed to keep on eating the magnificent eggs and opening up his present. Sam seemed really excited about it and Milo was nodding very seriously at Dean. He had already eaten so he was just watching and waiting.
There was a fancy Zippo lighter inside the box which was really nice and really unconventional as well. One side was etched with Dean’s initials without the P which was much appreciated. The other side had Sam’s birthday at the top and then all the kids underneath it. It was really sort of beautiful and Sam had obviously put thought into it since he had to have it made.
“Sammy, this is so nice. It’s got everyone’s birthday on there.”
“It’s for the clubhouse.”
“What?”
“The clubhouse.” Sam shrugged. “So when you and Alex are out there smoking cigars you’ll have something to light them with and we’ll be there with you so you won’t feel guilty.”
“We just bought cigars to look cool.”
“You don’t need cigars for that.” Sam said before he paused. “Well, clearly Alex does to look cool and manly. He bottoms for a nineteen year old cheerleader.”
“God, he’s almost twenty.” Dean sighed. “Sweet Valley High.”
“I know.” Sam laughed. “It’s okay.”
“I know.” Dean said as he went to flip the lighter. “It’s just that…”
“Wahh…” Mary whispered. “Anbahwah…”
“Uh oh.”
As soon as that flickering flame appeared Mary ignored her breakfast and Sam to focus on it. He tried to keep feeding her but she actually pushed his hand away and followed the lighter as closely as she could. Her bright blue eyes were fixed on it and Dean got her nodding and shaking her head just by moving it around.
“You like that, baby?” Dean asked. “That’s called fire.”
“Look at her.” Sam laughed. “I haven’t seen a baby do that since we used to wave pork chops around in front of Ollie.”
“You don’t play with fire!” Dean said as he snapped the lighter closed. “No, ma’am.”
“Wahbah!” Mary yelled as she pointed at Dean. “Andahwahbah!”
“Yes!” Sam nodded. “Short daddy!”
“Bahdah!”
“I know!”
Mary had a look of utter astonishment on her face and she made sure that Sam heard all about it. The entire time she was being fed she kept her eyes wide and kept right on pointing. Sam just kept nodding back and encouraging her to tell him more and she gave him an earful about short daddy’s magic tricks. The last thing they needed was a kid who wanted to play with fire since that was already Ethan’s whole thing but Dean sort of enjoyed doing something Mary found so fascinating. After he was done eating he broke the lighter out again and let her laugh and clap while she watched the flame. It really was a great present and once John made it back from the store Dean thanked Sam twice.
Dean hadn’t really slept the entire time Sam was in the hospital. He maybe got two or three hours tops and it wasn’t a good deep sleep like he needed. He had done it sitting upright in a chair with his head on Sam’s stomach which wasn’t as comfortable as it seemed. After breakfast and a quick bit of much needed sex he was out like a light and Sam turned down the air to keep him cold and in bed. He loved sleeping cold and if he was a chilly daddy he’d sleep as long as his body told him to.
John had been watching the babies and Sam figured he’d stay around to maybe chat and assist with lunch but he had other plans. He packed the babies up and then took them and James to the park. Sam wasn’t sure what he was up to but he prayed John would handle the James issue on his own. If he dealt with that it would be one thing Sam could cross off the big list which was getting a little bigger and longer each day. In the past Sam hadn’t given John credit he earned so he decided to heap it all on him and hope for the best.
With the babies and John gone and Dean sleeping Sam didn’t have anyone to talk to. He thought about pouting but he opted to enjoy the silence instead. When he was in the hospital it didn’t seem like he had a moment of quiet and he finally got that at home. He thought it might be lonely but it was just as comfortable as sleeping in his own bed. He finished up the laundry which had been neglected, cleaned the kitchen, and then around eleven he got started on lunch.
Fried chicken for lunch was a big deal and Sam was making warm potato salad to go with it so he needed some extra time. John had said he was going to pick Ollie up from daycare and the rest of the kids took their lunch break around the same time he got back. That gave Sam an hour to work on a special lunch but it wasn’t going to be an hour where he enjoyed a little peace and quiet because the potatoes were barely peeled and quartered before Mikey came in the back door.
Sam didn’t mind that he was there but Fridays were usually test days at Winchester Academy. Alex liked to do some casual testing to make sure the kids were actually learning something and most of the time they were a few minutes late for lunch. Not only was Mikey an hour early but he was alone which Sam questioned and apparently he had finished his test early and Ethan and Evan were taking a big test on spelling so Alex excused him.
Since Mikey was done with half the day he offered to help and Sam set him up with the potato peeler and a paring knife. He was so good in the kitchen and Sam was certain that by the time he was twelve or so he’d be cooking whole meals by himself. Sam really liked cooking but at the same time he was looking forward to having the kids handle it sometimes not because he was lazy but because he knew how proud they’d be.
While Mikey peeled and cut the potatoes he was telling Sam about his science test which was just as easy as his English test. He wasn’t worried about them at all but while he was talking he was sighing and pausing a lot more than usual. He actually looked a little distracted which was just strange because Mikey had been focused on whatever task was set before him since Dean brought him home from the hospital. He always stayed on task, but to Sam’s utter shock Mikey put down his peeler, wiped off his hands and then sighed as loudly as he could.
“Something wrong, buddy?”
“I’d like to talk about cuddling, daddy.”
“Oh.” Sam whispered. “I love to cuddle daddy!”
“The slight pause was to indicate that I was addressing you. If you were reading it there would have been a comma.”
“I thought so.” Sam sighed. “What would you like to know?”
“Well.” Mikey said way too seriously. “As you know Charlie slept over last night and I suppose we did a little bit of cuddling.”
“Uh…huh.”
“Now he did the cuddling, I won’t lie to you about that I was cuddled, but when we were considering driving around and helping people he was the driver and when you add in that I’m younger then I don’t know what to think.” Mikey said before taking a slight pause. “Daddy.”
“Hmm!”
Mikey had asked if Charlie could sleep over and Dean said it was just fine. Justin was fine with it too because even though it was a school night Mikey had a rough two days and he needed his friend around. Sam wasn’t sure when the cuddling happened but when they got back from the hospital Mikey was just sleeping next to Charlie in his bed. When Sam woke up Justin had already picked him up to take him to school and John had sent the kids to the barn before leaving with Ollie.
There was something very funny about the way Mikey was trying to figure out where his relationship with Charlie stood since he seemed to be basing it on Sam’s relationship with Dean. Sam always rode shotgun which was his right as the top. He didn’t have to drive because he did all the work in the sack. Because he topped that meant that Dean got cuddled afterwards as a sign of affection and so Sam could express his ownership. The age thing was just fact because the younger guy was always the top except in the rare care where the older one had a freak button.
Because Mikey rode shotgun and he was younger clearly he was the top in the relationship as Sam had suspected all along, but the cuddling thing was obviously confusing him a little. Sam was a little confused too because he found it a little odd that Charlie would engage in cuddling with Mikey. If Mikey had cuddled him Charlie would have been fine with it but the other way around seemed strange.
“Maybe he was cuddling you because he knew you had a rough two days.”
“That’s what I was thinking!” Mikey said. “I guess I have to take back the upper hand.”
“No.” Sam said as he shook his head. “You don’t do anything and see what he does.”
“Why?”
“Because the last thing you want to do is pretend like you need to be in control of the relationship. You play it cool and then he’ll buy you shoes.”
“I have enough shoes.”
“Then he’ll buy you pianos and cats.”
“Hmm!”
“So are…” Sam said before he shrugged. “Does this mean that Charlie is your boyfriend?”
“Daddy, don’t be silly, I’m only eight.”
“I won’t…I won’t tell nobody…”
“Daddy!”
“Fine.” Sam sighed. “Be that way.”
“If we make a decision to be boyfriends I’ll discuss it with you and daddy beforehand.”
“Oh.” Sam smiled. “Well, that’s a relief, thank you! Will Charlie discuss it with Justin?”
“Justin told him to go for it because one day I’ll have at least one seventh of what you have and Charlie can use that money for something useful instead of pissing it away shoes.”
“He is such a bitch.” Sam whispered. “I mean uh…No, you know what? That’s exactly what I mean.”
“You’re funny, daddy.”
“Thank.” Sam laughed. “And Mikey, thanks for talking to me. You can talk to us about anything, you know that, right?”
“I most certainly do!”
“You know, Jensen bought me a pair of shoes.”
“Well clearly he finds you attractive, daddy.” Mikey said. “Why else would anyone actually want to marry that Jared Padalecki?”
“Good point!”
Sam was having a lot of fun talking to Mikey and making lunch went a lot faster with his assistance. It was pretty obvious that Charlie was more than a friend, but Sam respected Mikey’s choice to keep that quiet for the time being. He also loved that Mikey was comfortable enough to confide in him. When Sam was eight years old he was barely comfortable enough to ask John to sign his report card so it was good to know history wasn’t repeating itself, at least not with Mikey.
It did seem to be repeating itself a little with Ollie who came home with John and the babies just after twelve. He was huffing and puffing and without a word to anyone John got him set up with a carton of ice cream. Ice cream before lunch was a big no-no, but obviously Ollie needed it since he had to sigh as dramatically as he could before and after he took his first bite. Sam tried to get John to tell him what was going on but he was avoiding eye contact and seemed way too interested in getting Mary and Milo situated.
Because Sam had started frying the chicken Dean woke up from his nap and shuffled into the kitchen. He still looked a little tired but he wasn’t about to sleep through lunch. He kissed Sam on the neck a few times and was about to give Ollie some welcome home kisses when he sighed and made a rather loud neighing sound that made Milo yell and jump in his seat some. Obviously something had happened at school and everyone was waiting for either Ollie or John to fill them in. John totally wasn’t getting into it and he stayed quiet while he set the table with Mikey.
“Baby?”
“Wha!”
“What’s wrong?” Dean asked. “Did you have a good day at school?”
“Do a think a had a good day!” Ollie yelled. “Was a worst in a world!”
“What happened?” Sam asked. “Tell daddy so he can make it better.”
“Well!” Ollie said before another dramatic sigh. “Gwampa…you know gwampa?”
“Biblically.” Dean nodded. “Go on.”
“He bwings Your Beans to a big boy school and you know The Beans is lookin’ hot. I check a curls because if not then a weck a self.”
“I’m familiar.” Sam said. “Clearly as a Winchester you’re the best looking baby there.”
“Wight! So a go inside and wha do a see? My Holly talking wit a new boy, eatin’ quackahs, and laughin’! Then she was wit a “Oh Mr. Ollie, you are so handsome come and meet a fwend Elmah!” and then….Then!”
“Uh oh…” Dean whispered. “What?”
“A meet a Elmah…is fat, wit a curls…and blonde.”
“What!” Dean shrieked. “He’s blonde and fat!”
“Wight, daddy! Oh and wit a ovahalls! You wouldna believe it iffa saw it wit a own eyes!”
“Dad, did you see this kid?” Sam asked. “What do you think?”
“He’s positively precious.” John whispered. “I started ovulating on the spot.”
“Wha did a say!”
“He’s a little punk!” John said. “Ollie, you’re ten times better!”
“Jus’ ten times a bettah!”
“Baby, did it seem like Holly was into this boy?” Dean asked. “Is that the problem?”
“A pwoblem is I don want my Holly talkin’ wit a Elmah! Didna even ask! I let daddy Sammy talk wit you after he asks nice. Lemme tell ya, The Beans won put up wit it.”
“What do you think you’ll do?” Mikey asked. “Hopefully not what you’re thinking.”
“I pop ‘em both in a eye!”
“Okay, so exactly what you’re thinking.” Mikey sighed. “Ollie, you can’t hit someone because they’ve upset you and you most certainly can’t hit a girl.”
“Oh, wight and what would a do if a Elmah twy and steal your Chawee!”
“I…”
“Uh huh. I see in a head wit popin’ ‘em in the eye!”
“I did not!” Mikey scoffed. “I would…discuss it in a calm rational…well, we’d discuss it like adults and…”
“You’d totally pop some kid in the eye.” Dean whispered. “You’re hot.”
“I would not, daddy!”
“Elmah! Pft!”
Ollie was tearing up the ice cream but Dean managed to get it away from him before he gave himself a tummy ache. Apparently Elmer had been enrolled at the school for weeks but he was off with his parents who were two women according to John. That made Sam perk right up because he really wanted a nice lesbian couple to be friends with. Wednesday was Elmer’s first day back and because Ollie wasn’t there Holly had become friendly with him. John told Sam and Dean everything in quiet hushed tones and then added that Elmer was not only adorable but he was just as polite as could be and Holly was quite smitten.
“I suggested that Ollie dump Holly and hook up with Elmer.” John whispered. “Right? That’s the right thing to do?”
“Yes.” Sam said. “You would think that.”
“Women are nothing but trouble, trust me, I know.”
“I thought you and mom and Carol made up.” Dean said. “Or are in the process.”
“She’s still trouble…like a bad girl…who upsets daddy.”
“Oh, dad.” Sam frowned. “Gross.”
“We were thinking about costumes.” John said as he opened up his hands. “She’s a bad girl and I’m a cop…with a billy club.”
“Dad!”
John was staring at his palms like he could see the whole thing happening across them. Sam had no idea what the hell was going on with him and Carol but as long as they weren’t fighting or threatening divorce it was obviously okay. He had confessed just yesterday that they had sex for the first time in a few weeks on Wednesday night at Amy and Auden’s house. It was quick and he wasn’t sure he got the job done for her but they were together when they really needed each other and it had helped make things easier.
“She’s just so bad.” John whispered. “Anyway, I think Ollie just needs to see this girl isn’t going to leave him.”
“Agreed.” Dean nodded. “Where’s James?”
“Oh, I dropped him off at church so he could attend the afternoon mass. Anthony’s taking Todd too.”
“Did you talk to him?” Sam asked. “About moving back out again.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t seem like he’s going to budge, but maybe once you two talk to him.”
“Back on the list.” Sam laughed. “Oh, boy.”
“We’ll muddle through, Sammy.” Dean smiled “How are you feeling?”
“Still a little weak in the knees and besides that perfectly fine.”
“Let’s order pizza tonight.”
“I was going to make dinner.” Sam said. “I thought we might have some nice steaks.”
“Oh, okay, well I’ll grill them outside. You sit down and I’ll fix everybody plates.”
Sam nodded and then did as he was told. He could have fixed the plates himself and cooking dinner wasn’t going to be any big strain but it was better to not worry Dean more. Sam really was fine, he felt no different that he would have if he hadn’t been shot twice. There was really no way to make Dean understand that though which was mostly Jeremy’s fault for telling him to take it easy. Sam wasn’t sure what the hell that was supposed to mean because he was all healed up and it wasn’t like those bullet wounds were going to open up again.
When the twins and Alex came in the back door Dean was just about done dishing out the food. Everyone seemed to be in a great mood because they always had soup and sandwiches for lunch. Sam was glad he went all out because it made his family happy and he was still itching to do some more cooking. It was his stress relief and not a chore like it might be to some people, but he was still going to let Dean handle dinner in the spirit of marital unity.
“Daddy, today we took a spelling test.” Ethan said. “Oral!”
“Wow. How’d you two do?”
“I didn’t know how to spell special.” Ethan frowned. “Because it sounds like Spesh-El not Spesh-Al.”
“Well, that’s an easy mistake to make, nothing to worry about. How’d you do, Evan?”
“I got them all right, daddy.”
“Excellent!”
“How many words were there?” Dean asked. “Was it a lot? Like ten?”
“Fifty.” Alex said. “Boys, today we’ve earned our potato salad!”
“You gave them a spelling test with fifty words?” Sam asked. “Really?”
“We usually only do forty, but we did ten more today so that Todd can read with us this afternoon.”
“Wha! The Beans needs his nap! You don even know about a day a had!”
“After Ollie’s nap.”
“Phew!”
“I think Todd should stay for a long time, daddy.” Evan said. “He can sleep in my bed.”
“Baby, he’s gotta go home tomorrow morning.”
“He left Belle alone.” Dean said. “He needs to help her out with their baby, but in November we’ll see them for two whole weeks!”
Sam sort of wanted Todd to stay through the weekend as well but he understood that he had to get back to Belle. She was perfectly fine on her own, but being alone in the middle of the middle of nowhere was a little unnerving. Sam could definitely understand that because the property in South Carolina was massive and he wouldn’t want to be hanging out there alone.
“You guys should do something with Todd tonight.”
“Yeah we should!” Alex nodded. “Finally you’re loosening up the leash!”
“I meant something friendly.” Sam said. “Like maybe showing him your clubhouse.”
“I do have that visitors pass that I earned from letting Alex “talk to” Michael in the clubhouse.” Dean said. “Alex, what do you think?”
“Well, as long as we don’t invite Jensen Ackles…or Bruce.”
“And you’ll come too, right, Sammy?”
“Oh…well, yeah of course. I’d love to.”
Sam didn’t really expect an invitation but he sure as hell wasn’t going to turn one down. It was their anniversary and maybe they could just hang out at the clubhouse since going out was completely out of the question. Sam wasn’t going to be able to actually leave the house for a week or so since he had to keep up the illusion that he was still recuperating. Technically it was date night and the kids would probably be all over a sleepover at Michael’s house. Sam was going to ask but he thought better to clear it with Michael first before he got the kids all excited.
“Oh, Sammy.” Dean moaned. “This potato salad is just…nugh.”
“Aww, you’re sweet.”
“Daddy, you make a best tatos!”
“Thank you, baby.”
“It’s a pretty spesh-al lunch.” Ethan said. “Is there a spesh-al occasion?”
“No.” Sam smiled. “There’s not.”
“Sammy, I’m sorry I…”
“It’s not that, Dean.” Sam said. “There’s not a damn thing I can do to make this day more special than it already is.”
Sam wasn’t mad that Dean didn’t remember their one month anniversary because they had a lot of anniversaries and the week had been just a touch hectic. Before the shooting he had the whole day planned and it started and ended with good food and great sex, but Sam didn’t need that. He was better off eating a big lunch with the kids and then letting Dean fix them dinner. Most people had to celebrate anniversaries since it was one day out of the year when couples could reaffirm their relationship and act all over the top in love. Sam didn’t need that because he had it everyday and not once did he have to act.
The clubhouse had really come along. The recliners Sam bought weren’t plaid but they were big and leather and Dean loved sitting down and putting his feet up. Alex really liked it too especially because Michael was such a Mr. FussyBritches about the furniture. It was a trait he so obviously picked up from Sam who had steadily been denying Dean his own recliner for eight years. Sam didn’t make the rules in the clubhouse though so Dean could do what he wanted when he wanted and what he wanted to do was relax and smoke his cigar.
When Dean bought the cigars he had no intention of smoking them but then he got the lighter and he had to give it a try. Alex had a cigar about once a year when the mood struck and Todd had never had one. Since he was there on a guest pass Dean got him one and then the three of them lit up. Sam would have been there as well but he had to speak with Larry and promised to be out to the clubhouse as soon as possible.
While they smoked and choked Alex went over the rules with Todd and to Dean’s surprise the list had grown yet again. At first they were simple with no kids, husbands, or girls allowed. Alex then wanted to ban straight people which was fine with Dean because he knew like three of them and then he tacked on exes as well because he was pretty sure Justin wanted to hang out. Since Todd who was straight was there on a guest pass Alex obviously felt the need to amend the rules again banning doctors and anyone who had ever won an Oscar.
“What if you had to admit one or the other?” Todd asked. “Would you let in a doctor or an Oscar winner?”
“It goes like this, husbands, kids, exes, girls, straight people, doctors, and then Oscar winners.”
“Huh.”
“It’s all very complicated.” Dean said. “Really complicated.”
“You know, Dean.” Alex said as he sat up straight. “The three of us are alone in here.”
“And? If I haven’t beat off with you yet it’s safe to assume I never am.”
“I’m aware of that. I just wanted to mention that we’re alone and if you want to talk about anything we can do that.”
“I’m fine.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Todd asked. “So you can talk to Alex alone?”
“I’m fine.” Dean laughed. “I’m okay.”
“Dean, it’s okay to…”
“Alex, I’m fine.”
Dean turned in his chair some and puffed out a lot of smoke which he was hoping would make him a little invisible. He knew the sooner he talked the better it would be but Dean just wasn’t ready yet and he didn’t know if he was ever going to be ready. A big part of him wanted to just forget all about Wednesday so he could just move on with his life. There was no evidence on Sam’s body that it had happened and Dean wasn’t on the computer enough to see all the thousands of stories about the shooting. In a few weeks those would go away as well and hopefully people would respect his wishes and not bring it up.
Dinner had been a little too good and Dean groaned before he flipped open the top button of his jeans. He needed Sam to hurry up and get out to the clubhouse so he could rub his belly and maybe even his feet. Dean had kicked his shoes off by the door because men needed to let it all hang out when they were hanging out. That was what Alex said at least and Dean thought it was pretty funny that his hanging out involved of a pair of argyle socks. The kids were all at Michael’s house and Dean had nothing to worry about. It was going to be a good night or at least it would have been if he hadn’t chosen to spend the night with people that cared about him so damn much.
“I told her not to make eyes at nobody else.” Todd said before he put down his cigar. “That’s the last thing I said to Belle before I let her out of my truck. We were going to get ice cream and I didn’t get to say anything else to her for three weeks. Well, I guess I said plenty but she didn’t answer me.”
“Three weeks?” Alex asked. “It was that long?”
“Oh yeah, they kept telling us she wasn’t going to wake up. I told those doctors though. I told them she had to because I was going to make her my wife and one day we were going to have a tiny little baby. I never felt so useless in my life as I did those three weeks. I was trying to be a gentleman and I let her off so she didn’t have to walk but if she had gone with me to park the truck she wouldn’t have gotten hit.”
“Do you blame yourself?”
“No, Dean, I don’t. I did for the longest time, but I always let her out if we had to park and walk and I wasn’t driving the car that hit her and I didn’t give that man too much to drink. I did stay by her side and I helped her. I did everything I was supposed to.”
“Did uh…” Alex said before he paused. “Did you ever think about not being there for her?”
“Not once.” Todd smiled. “Because if it had been me she’d stay by my side. Help me to the bathroom and brush my hair for me. I said I was going to marry her and I did. I did it on my knees while she was in her chair so we could be face to face. I wasn’t ever gonna look down on her.”
Dean nodded and blinked back the tears but there wasn’t enough smoke in the cabin for him to hide. Todd was so fucking brave because he didn’t like talking about Belle’s accident and he took a big risk being so open about it. Dean wanted to be pissed off that he was trying to get him to talk but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be mad at his friend for trying so hard to get him to do what needed to be done.
“We had so much snow.” Alex whispered. “It was crazy that year. I remember I had some of that cocoa with the marshmallows in it, you know the ones that disintegrate in like two seconds but they’re fun for the novelty of it.”
“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “I like those.”
“I was standing at the window and wondering if…if Justin was going to be okay driving home in the snow which was ridiculous because he’s so good behind the wheel. His car pulled up right before midnight and Bill was driving it. Justin was in the backseat already…well, he was gone.”
“Alex…”
“He was already gone and Bill told me that…he said “This is how we do things Lex, like Vikings, Justin was a warrior.” And you know what I thought?”
“What?”
“He’ll never hold me again. He’ll never throw his towel on the floor after a shower even after I put up a hook. We’ll never make love and we’ll never have our son together. The last thing I did with the man I loved more than anything was to cover his body in gasoline and set him on fire. I thought it was kinda nice because it was like his mom, he got to go home.”
“You didn’t have to tell me all that, either of you.”
“Sometimes guilt gets the job done.” Todd smiled. “Sometimes I’ll want oral sex and I’ll have to say something like “My job is paying for your fancy used car!” It’s not honorable but we all do what we gotta.”
“Do you have a story of your own to add?” Alex asked. “You’re only making it worse for yourself and I know you know that, Dean. You wouldn’t let anyone else be as miserable as you are and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to do anything about it.”
Dean took a big deep breath and then pushed down the recliner so he could sit up straight. Todd didn’t have his own recliner but he leaned forward a little and held out his hand. He was so young and he had such old rough hands. That was a result of so much hard work and yet the hardest thing he had ever done had nothing to do with zebras or forty bird feeders. The hardest thing he had ever done was surviving nearly losing Belle. Alex had survived losing Justin and if Dean wanted to be okay again, to really be okay and not just pretend he had to admit out loud in the company of others that Sam had nearly died on Wednesday.
“Can I make a rule as an honorary guest?”
“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “You can.”
“Okay.” Todd said. “Then nothing leaves this cabin. You say what you have to and we listen and that’s as far as it goes.”
“That’s an excellent rule.” Alex nodded. “Definitely better than the others.”
“Sam…Sammy almost…” Dean paused. “Sammy almost died on Wednesday. If the normal rules applied he would….he’d be dead right…right…”
“Now.” Todd whispered. “It’s okay.”
“Now.”
“That’s all we wanted to hear.” Alex said. “Now stop being so fucking brave all the time and be a man.”
Dean nodded and then completely broke down. It was the worst he had ever been through and the entire time he cried until his eyes stung and screamed until his voice gave out Alex and Todd never left or complained. They stayed right next to him holding him close when he needed it and backing away when he wanted space. He didn’t have to say anything because they just knew.
Dean really had no idea how long he was crying, screaming, and rocking but eventually he wanted to back away and he couldn’t. Someone stronger than Alex or Todd was holding on to him and wouldn’t let go. It was the safest Dean had ever felt in his whole life and he thanked God yet again for giving him the gift of a little brother, then a friend, a partner, a father and finally a husband. Dean thanked God for all those things and then he thanked him again for not taking Sam away from him, the kids, and the world.
“Sammy.”
“Shh.” Sam whispered. “Just get it all out. No one needs you to be strong right now.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“No one said it was. No one anywhere is blaming you.” Sam said before he paused. “Except for you.”
“When I got to you, all I could think about was what I would...what would I do, Sammy? I can't sleep alone it's too...it gets too dark without you around even with the lights on. What do I tell the kids and I don't care how selfish it makes me, but who's gonna love me like you do?"
"Alex." Sam whispered. "Todd, Jensen, Bruce, dad, Mom, Amy, Jenny, everybody, Dean. They'd all be there for you as long as you'd need them to."
"I wouldn't know what to do."
"Haven't I always taken care of you?"
Dean nodded as forcefully as he could because Sam had always taken care of him. They took care of each other and being reminded of that helped Dean tremendously. He hadn't really dealt with the shooting at all because there was just so much going on. He had to worry about making sure Sam was okay and then they had to tell the kids and Dean just had to worry about them. He worried about John and what James would do, he was so busy worrying about how everyone else was coping that he didn't have time to cope himself.
Alex and Todd had made him do it and Dean had to wonder if anyone else would have had the balls to make him face up to what happened. It even seemed like Todd and Alex were just the right guys for the job having lost and nearly lost their great loves. Dean felt for both of them more than ever and he was going to make damn sure that he kept on being the best friend to them he could because they had earned it.
"I'd feel better if we had a plan just in case." Dean said. "I don't know that I could handle making a will or something but you should."
"I did, Dean." Sam smiled. "I have it rewritten every month and if anything happens to me you'll have everything you need."
"What does it say, Sammy?"
"I'm hoping you'll never find out."
"Does it cover everything?" Dean asked. "I mean everything?"
"Every question you might have. Where the money goes, how much the kids get, what I want, and some other...stuff."
"Tell me."
Sam was squatting in front of Dean but he had obviously had something important to say since he had to get comfortable. He sat down on the rug and then pulled Dean down next to him. Todd had left because he didn't want to be in the way during a private moment, but Alex was still there and came over when Sam beckoned him. He was such a softy because he was sniffling and sucking up his breath. Real men cried, but really good men who were best friends cried together and it was messy.
"Go ahead." Sam smiled. "Tell him."
"This summer Sam sat me down and gave me a copy of his will." Alex said before he exhaled loudly. "Anthony has a copy too with everything you'll need and if anything ever happens we'll be there for you to help you out."
"Why'd you give them copies too?"
"Because there's some stuff you might need right away, but I promise you that you'll never have to see that will, Dean. I promise."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I am."
"And not to bring it up." Alex said. "But Michael was so upset on Wednesday night and he talked to Jeremy and...Dean you've got to know that if anything did happen they'd get him back, they'd get both of you back if they had to."
"I know."
Dean knew that all his worrying really was unnecessary because the rules didn't apply to them, but just like Sam getting shot being brought back wouldn't really change a thing. If he died he still would have died and Dean would have been windowed for however long it took to get him back. He loved John more than anything but Dean didn't want to be like him like that. He didn't want to go a second without knowing Sam was around and loving him all the time.
"I must look so ugly right now."
"Never." Sam smiled. "You're a little gross and drippy but you still look fantastic."
"We were smoking."
"I know, it's kinda sexy."
"I guess." Dean shrugged. "Alex, I'm sorry I didn't just talk to you."
"It's okay, Dean. I think maybe it was time for me to talk too and you know it was time for Todd."
"Where'd he go?" Sam asked. "He left?"
"He had to pee and he wants to hang out with the kids I think."
"It was so sweet of him to come."
Alex agreed and then started to say something else to Sam but Dean didn't really hear it. It wasn't that he was ignoring him, there was just a little noise coming from Sam's head that was a tiny bit louder. Sam was thinking about the will he wrote and how he kept making sure it was up to date with every month that passed. It didn't surprise Dean at all that the money he had wasn't going to be split seven ways because Sam didn't want the kids to expect a free ride once they grew up. They were getting a lot and Dean was getting even more with the rest earmarked for all of Sam's favorite charities. He wanted to be cremated and spread in the garden which was just a quintessential Sam thing to want and as much as it hurt Dean thought that was just perfect.
Sam was thinking about all those details and then for one split second his thoughts shifted to the little something he left behind just in case Dean needed it. At first Dean thought he was seeing and hearing things since Sam's thoughts were a combination of words and images, but he wasn't at all. Sam was very clearly and fondly thinking about one little milky white test tube kept in a lab in the city that just might make some more Ethans, Evans, Marys or Milos.
"So they're cheap but they're good." Alex said. "We might get some good ones one day and..."
"Sammy, you froze your sperm?"
"Wha...Dean."
"You have a load on ice in the city?" Dean laughed. "Seriously?"
"I have a portion of the sample I donated when we had the babies on ice."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Really!" Dean laughed. "That's so funny."
"I told you he'd laugh!" Alex said. "Totally funny."
"Maybe this is something I need to do as well."
"You already did."
"I...I did?"
"Well, when you made Beanie." Sam said. "I told them to stick some of your junk in the cooler."
"You iced my sperm without my permission?"
"Oh no, sweetie." Sam frowned. "I iced my sperm that just happens to come from your balls."
"Oh...I don't own any of my private parts, do I?"
"No, you don't."
"Me neither." Alex sighed. "Michael told me he owns all of me and that I'm a slut for brains."
"That's why he's at Yale." Sam said. "Dean, do you feel better?"
"You know what...I do."
It really was amazing that letting it all out could help so much or that keeping it in had hurt so much. For the past few days Dean just felt completely disconnected from himself, Sam, and the kids and now that was all gone. It was like someone had wiped off all the gunk and funk around him so things were more clear. Sam had almost died and Dean needed to accept that because there way no use in pretending anything else had happened. The day could have gone better there was no denying that but then Dean realized it also could have been a hell of a lot worse and it wasn't. At the end of the day or rather at the end of the week everyone was okay.
"Good." Sam smiled. "That's good."
"What did Larry say?"
"Oh...I didn't talk to him. I just wanted to give Alex and Todd some time to work on you."
"I totally thought he meant in the butt." Alex whispered. "I didn't know we were going to go all hormonal."
"You're a sneaky Sammy." Dean said. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"
"Because you're always going to have to be as brave as you can with me. You were going to hold back and not say everything you needed to. Alex doesn't need you like I do so you can be as real as you want to be and nothing changes between us."
"I can see where that son at Yale gets it from."
"I should uh..." Alex said before he stood up. "I should probably go check on him."
"Alex, thank you."
"No problem, little buddy."
Alex leaned down and kissed Dean right on the top of his head before he patted Sam and then walked right out the door closing it behind him. The cabin was pretty dark except for a few candles and a upturned flashlight they were using as a lamp. Dean still didn't have electricity out there but that was okay because Sam really looked best just a little lit up. The week was almost over and Dean could tell he was just as glad. He had been shot and spent two days in the hospital and he did kill off America's most beloved celebrity, but he was okay and Dean was too.
"Do you think it's okay if I stay out here with you for a while?"
"Can I smoke my cigar?"
"Ooh." Sam whispered. "Yeah, please do that."
"There's an extra one...maybe we could...and then I could..."
"Should I go change into my blue shirt?"
"Fucking Clinton." Dean said before he rolled his eyes. "Real men finish inside."
"Are you a real man?"
"You wanna find out?"
"Yeah." Sam said. "I sure do."
Sam did wonderful and terrible things with a cigar and once they were done Dean smoked the whole thing like a real fucking pro. They slept in the cabin that night both completely naked and content for the first time since the shooting. Sam was fine, John was fine, and the kids understood as best they could. Dean couldn't think of anything better so he enjoyed the night and the morning because he had worried enough. |
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